last thoughts before the homerun

it's amazing how, when you're pregnant, you hear all sorts of unsolicited advice from just about anyone. and i mean anyone --- from the hairdresser to the shakoy vendor!

i find it funny that everyone tries to guess if i'm carrying a boy or a girl and everyone seems to get it wrong! hahahah. they all think i'm carrying a girl, either because of the way i look, or the shape of my tummy. seriously, if i hadn't seen the proof in the sonogram 5 times, i'd probably start believing them. everyone seems to have a strong opinion about how to predict the baby's sex based on really weird criteria. ah well, there's only one sure way to find out anyway, and i'm going to next week. =)

i think if i actually listened to what everyone says to me, i'd have gone crazy a long time ago. rest more. exercise more. eat less. eat more. drink milk. don't drink milk. put your feet up. go walking. it's a good thing i only listen to what my OB says. that's what i pay her for anyway, right?

it would be great to know exactly how my baby's doing inside my belly. but i haven't had an ultrasound since i left singapore. i can feel the movements changing in nature (waves now instead of violent kicks). and i can actually feel the contours of the baby from the outside. do i worry about him being small or large? not really. vito was a really tiny neonate. he was only 6lbs, because he came out at 37 weeks. and i had a hard time making him gain weight because he developed gastro-esophageal reflux after a few months. yet, look at him now! so yes, i know i need not worry. big or small, this baby will be loved and that's that.

preparing oneself mentally for childbirth is so much harder than the other preparations. oh yes, we're about ready with all the baby stuff. i'm not so sure about the rest though. i still have my fears of not having the same energy level i had before (i'm 5 years older, after all), and having to divide my attention between the baby and his big brother so that neither one comes out feeling rejected.

maybe i'll start thinking about that next week. there's still work to be done, projects to finish, emails to answer. pray for me?

starting the new year

i know i haven't written anything for the past several weeks. i've just been really busy and lazy at the same time. being in my last trimester of pregnancy leaves me with very little energy to do anything else other than fulfill my (more pressing) commitments.

oh, what will i write after a long blog absence?

my bp has gone down to normal about a week after arriving in cebu. and has stayed that way too. my prenatal check-ups are now more frequent, and except for edema in my ankles and feet and incontinence, everything else seems to be going well. the baby is active, although he's probably really snug inside my tummy by now. i've had a urinalysis that indicated i don't have preeclampsia, so that's great.

the supergirls held a fantastic baby shower for me, and i'm still grinning everytime i think about it. it wasn't necessary, but i loved every minute of it and i can't get over the fact that you went to all that trouble! thank you girls!

i'm scheduled to give birth on the 23rd of january. (it was initially planned on the 22nd but my OB will be attending an important conference, so it's been moved.) i can't wait to hold my little boy in my arms at last.

normal!!!!

i got the results of my glucose tolerance test today. and i don't have gestational diabetes! wooopeeee! thanks for all your prayers! i want to celebrate by eating ice cream. hahahaha! but i won't. i'll be a good girl and watch my weight. =)

it was a crazy weekend. on friday night we were at our regular bible study gathering. we went home at about 1am, slept at 2, and i woke up at 6 because i couldn't sleep well. so i was really sleepy when i got to the hospital lab. manuel was very kind, he took care of vito, did the grocery-shopping, and they both waited at timezone for me. i had a nice book to read (the evil seed by joanne harris) so i didn't get bored while waiting for the test to finish.

they extracted my blood three times. the first time before they gave the glucose, the 2nd time an hour after, and the third, an hour after the 2nd. the glucose formula they gave tasted a bit like royal tru orange, except that it was extremely sweet. like they put in a cup of sugar into a 150ml container. i kept drinking water to wash the taste away.

surprisingly i didn't feel hungry at all. perhaps it was because of the homemade pandesal i ate before the cutoff time the previous night. =D i did feel woozy afterward, and it lasted until the next day. maybe it was the combination of lack of sleep, food deprivation, and having blood extracted 3 times. i'm just glad it was over. and that i can still eat sweets. hahahahaha!

the challenge

i'm being challenged this saturday. or at least my reaction to glucose is. because i'm an obese pregnant woman, my OB has ordered me to take the glucose challenge test. not that the baby is showing any signs of being too big (quite the opposite, actually), but just because i gained so much weight the past month. huhuhuhu (i'm almost back to my weight before i went on a diet last year. although at least, i'm 6 months pregnant now. last year i was just plain obese.)

so this friday, i have to stop eating by midnight in preparation for saturday morning's test. my appointment is at 8:30 in the morning and i'm not supposed to take anything but water until then. i don't know if i'll survive it, frankly. the test will last 3 hours, i'm told. because they'll have to administer the test 3 times, every hour.

pray for me, please?


*illustration by miss capricho

paranoia

i've reached the stage when i can't see past my belly. both literally and figuratively.

my entire consciousness just revolves around my tummy and everything that's happening inside it. and i'm so worried. it took me months before i realized i was pregnant. before that, i was taking so many things that a pregnant woman shouldn't. bailey's irish creme for after dinner drinks. acne medication.

maybe that's why i have this recurring dream that my baby has no arms. i'm so scared! and i'm at high risk for every complication and birth defect, you know. waaaaah!

no chocolate binge ever goes unpunished

i knew it!

all those chocolates couldn't be good for anyone. no one is allowed to be that happy and not suffer any consequences.

at my last prenatal check up last tuesday, my bp reading was 165/80!!!!

i got so scared i called my OB in cebu. (the one i have here just told me to exercise more and eat less. needless to say wa koy salig. hahahaha) she told me i need to have urine test, which i already did. fortunately there was no protein in my urine, so that means i don't have preeclampsia. (for now). i just need to take it easy. she says it's probably just stress-induced hypertension worsened by my weight gain.

so yes, i do have to cut down on the sweets. but she also told me to take it easy and not do brisk walking anymore. oh, and no heavy lifting either. the good news is, i don't need to take any medication. whew!

but i think i do have to cut down on my projects. i've been working late the past few months because of the sheer volume of orders i've been getting. now i'm actually turning down clients, esp the ones i anticipate will be difficult. i don't need more stress in my life.

it's all chelo's fault

that basket of goodies she sent me started it all. i was such a good girl, eating only healthy food (albeit in great amounts), when i was confronted with boxes of chocolate covered biscuits from harrods. no self-respecting girl can ever refuse that you know. esp not when they were sent by a dear friend. to you. on your birthday!

i've been gobbling them up, day and night. and when they ran out, i ran to marks & spencer to buy the closest substitute i could find. and gobbled them up as well. woe unto me! or rather, my scale! 3 kg in 2 weeks. yes, the numbers don't lie. and i know where it all came from.

all of a sudden i have nothing to wear.

the bebe also grew a lot, i think. i can see his movements under my clothes now. and the once light flutters are now ass-kicking bumps. inconvenient at times, like when he kicked my bladder while we were in church. lol. the hubby is frustrated that the bebe stops moving whenever his hand is on my belly. well, i have 4 more weeks here before we leave for cebu, so that gives him plenty of time to let his daddy feel his movements.

warning: contains suggestive language

there are only two things on my mind nowadays: food and sex. but while my cravings for food change every few weeks (what i'm crazy about one month will nauseate me the next), my appetite for sex has remained constant and unchanging. i'm horny all the time! i even dream about it!

this is probably one of the nicest things about being pregnant (for me). i desire my husband so much, it borders on obsession. i can't sleep if i don't smell him or touch him. when he's away at work, i can't stop thinking of being with him again at night. it's like the heady flush of early love, i tell ya. he finds it funny, i think. he laughs when i grope him any chance i can. yes, my prudish husband doesn't know what to do with his nympho pregnant wife. lol!

he's like a drug to me, sometimes. as the day wears on, my energy stores get depleted like a cellphone's battery after a 2-hour call. i feel tired, sleepy, listless. and then he walks in the door and i feel alive again! i don't know what i'll do when we go to cebu. i told him he should give me a worn shirt, something with his smell on it, so i can take it with me and sleep with it. i'm glad i won't be going home until the last possible moment i can. i don't know if i can survive being without him for a so long.

momnesia

peripartum amnesia.

it started out really funny, just minor lapses in short term memory like forgetting to turn on the rice cooker, or not knowing where i put my phone. last week, i went to the bathroom to put on my contact lenses, as i usually do after i clean the flat. i panicked when i saw that my containers were open and empty. and then i glanced up at the mirror and saw that i was already wearing them -- but i had absolutely no recollection of ever doing so!

another day, i wanted to call my sister about something important. i usually only call when it's really urgent, otherwise i'll send her an email. so i was holding the phone and sat down in front of the computer when she suddenly when online in ym. great! i thought, now i don't need to call. except that i had already forgotten what i needed to ask her. until now i can't remember.

it's crazy! really crazy! yesterday it turned dangerous. i turned on the stove to cook eggs for vito and forgot to turn it off. an hour later i was smelling gas all over the flat.

how am i going to deal with this? should i carry post-its and stick them on my arm every time i need to remember something important?

i don't think i'm just imagining this. or that this is a result of my not using my brain, because i do use my brain often! i'm teaching myself web design and development (and we're not talking just css codes here) and believe me, it's not as easy at it looks. i read about a study that shows the hormone oxytocin has selective effects on memory. i'm more inclined to believe that it's hormonal. i don't know any other explanation for it!

preparing for raoul

i just realized that in about 6 or so weeks, i'll be leaving for cebu. you would think that gives me enough time to finish everything i need to do, but i feel panicky. i haven't even started buying baby essentials. as i said before, raoul is an unexpected and (unplanned) gift. we had already decided that we weren't going to have any more kids after vito so we gave away all of vito's baby things. we're back to zero.

i'm posting a list of things we need so i can refer to this as the months go by. maybe i'll purchase some of them in cebu. or maybe i'll start buying them slowly while i'm still here. i still haven't decided on whether we should set up a nursery. maybe a portion of our spare room (my office is here, and so are vito's toys) can be set up for the baby. i'll have to clear out some of the bookshelves to make way for raoul's things. where i'm going to transfer the contents, i have no idea! =)

things to buy:

SLEEPING

Complete Cot set - (pillows, blankets, sheets)

Baby-Safe Cot Mattress (needed in sg)

Cot blankets

complete bassinet set (needed in cebu)


BATHING & CHANGING

Baby bathtub (for cebu)

baby towels and washers (needed in cebu)

baby grooming set: hairbrush & comb, digital thermometer, nasal aspirator

FEEDING

breastfeeding pillow

breastfeeding bib (for me, so I can breastfeed in public without flashing anyone)

a few baby bottles, preferably avent newborn ones

avent breast pump

GENERAL

toys

baby mobile

nappy stacker/diaper caddy

baskets

going out clothes

onesies

booties and socks

GOING OUT

Pram/stroller

Baby carrier/sling

Nappy/Diaper bag



whew! i have to work doubly hard to afford all these things! that's why i've been accepting more orders than i can handle. don't wonder why i've been quiet lately, i've just been really busy and exhausted. manuel is saving up for the hospital expenses, so i said i'll take care of the baby's stuff.

perspective

i'm greatly saddened by the effects of the flood in manila. what a truly horrible catastrophe. all of a sudden, my troubles seem too small and insignificant compared to what people over there are going through right now.

what was i even worried about? i don't even remember anymore.

it's time to give thanks for blessings instead.

i'm happy that i gained only .8 kg in the past month. i went for a prenatal last saturday and i almost leapt with joy when i stepped on the scale. 800 grams in one month isn't bad, considering that 300 of it went to the baby. (i think maybe 200 went to my boobs as they're even bigger now.) at least my constant vigilance seems to be working.

the doctor warned me that my haemoglobin count is very low. i've always been anemic so i wasn't surprised. but she told me it's causing my baby to be on the small side. so that's not good. i need to take more iron supplements and to eat more food rich in iron. hello red meat! =D

the blood test and urine test also showed that i don't have gestational diabetes, which is a big relief!

i'm also grateful that i've been getting a lot of orders lately. more than i can handle, in fact. i still can't believe that there are people who actually want to pay me to do something i absolutely love to do! i'll count myself blessed, and i'm really truly grateful.

what are you grateful for this week?

plus size and pregnant

i'm due for another prenatal check-up this saturday. i hope everything will be fine. i've been doing my best to eat healthy and to exercise regularly. hey, i'm still doing the same exercise i did when i was trying to lose weight, ok? 1 hour of brisk-walking 5 times a week. sometimes i even remember to lift weights. (sometimes!)

it worries me that i've been gaining a lot of weight. i should be gaining less, but i think my genes might have something to do with it as well. i'm just not one of the lucky ones, no matter what i do. there are times when i wish i could go on a diet again, but on the days when i try to go back to phase 2 of the south beach, i feel really nauseous and i can't function for the entire day. maybe it's the lack of carbs. there's nothing like carbs to comfort a queasy tummy.

today i had a really healthy sandwich for breakfast. wholegrain bun, with leg ham, a handful of lettuce leaves, slices of tomato, a slice of cheese, some mayo and wholegrain mustard. yum! but then i started feeling nauseous afterwards. i don't get it. surely it doesn't mean i'm doomed to eat oatmeal forever and ever?

pasta cravings

of course i know why i've been gaining too much weight. carbs. evil evil delicious carbs.
i can't help it. they make me feel better. and let's face it, i can't exactly go on a diet while i'm pregnant.

i love this vongole i made. or should i say spaghetti ala vongole because i'm pretty sure i skipped some necessary ingredients. i made it really spicy (i can still eat spicy food, i'm not suffering from heartburn yet) and manuel loved it! he actually finished 3 plates-full of it. come to think of it, he has been eating 3 times what i eat lately. so he also looks 5 months pregnant. hahahahaha!

here it is

the bump
has finally surpassed my boobs
i now look very pregnant
as if pregnancy has degrees
(i think it does)
in a few more weeks
i will start to look like a hippo
as if i don't look like one now.

showing

i'm running out of clothes to wear. i'm really showing now. my belly bump is not just a bump. it's the size of a basketball. i can't imagine how big i'll be when i reach full term! waaaah! but being a creature of habit, i'm still wearing jeans (with the extender, of course) and tent tshirts. they still fit me, but the shirts are a bit snug around my tummy now.

i wish i could wear dresses all the time! but my thighs are so huge, they rub when i walk. eww. i'm not one of those lucky women who, when they get pregnant, manage to look like a ball on a stick. you know what i mean, only their bellies get big. unfortunately, my thighs get jealous, and so do my arms. they have to put on some padding as well. maybe one of these days i'll post a picture so you'll see how big i am right now. i'm still trying to summon up the courage. =)

temper! temper!

dang these hormones!

why can't i control my temper? the slightest thing can drive me screaming mad these days! aaargh! there are people that i actually want to throttle and kick, can you believe it? i'm so glad some of them are not around because i can't promise to behave myself if i do see them. i feel like an amazon warrior with an axe to grind. a valkyrie on a motorbike weilding a sword. beware all who cross my path.

breathe patricia. breathe.

the stress is so not good for me. i will focus on happy thoughts. pink. candy floss. shopping. casseroles. ice cream. butterflies. fairy dust. polkadots. moonbeams...

and exhale.

attack of the lazies

lazy, lazy, lazy

that's what i am this week. i spend all my afternoons lying down reading or taking a nap. mornings are for housework and answering emails. evenings are for working on themes (for 2 hours or so). and that's it. no classes this week for vito, it's their term break before the last term starts next week. that means i don't even need to go out of the house! yay!

i'm still eating healthy, don't worry. =) oatmeal for breakfast with nonfat milk and a bit of sugar. lunch usually means leftovers from the night before. and for dinner some dish with lots of veggies. i also make sure i eat either an apple, a banana, or pineapple slices, and drink a potassium-rich fruit juice. i take my vitamins religiously. i notice i don't have much of an appetite at night. i still get a bit nauseous until now.

but! no more headaches. no more hypertension. =) oh, and i'm on my 19th week now! that means i've reached the halfway mark. my ob has scheduled me for cs on my 38th week. i cannot go into labor because my uterus is scarred in many places. either it will rupture, or it won't be capable of synchronized contractions. either way, cs it is.

resting

i love lazy days! yesterday was spent reading novels and revamping my patsthemes site. nothing even remotely productive (or income generating). in other words, a perfectly happy day! at least for a pregnant woman who easily overheats. =D

here's my food list:

breakfast: 1 c oatmeal with 1 c nonfat milk and 1 tsp sugar. (this is getting to be boring. and i find myself hungry again after 2 hours.)
mid morning snack: 1 apple, 2 slices toasted baguette with butter
lunch: 1 1/2 c kiddie style spaghetti (you know, with hotdogs, mushrooms, sweet tomato sauce, and lots of cheese)
afternoon snack: 1 apple with 1/4 c walnuts
dinner: 1 1/2 c stir-fried garlic bud stalks with tofu. 1/2 c rice.
dessert: 2 tbsp strawberry ice cream

success!

for two days now by bp has gone down to 120/80. yay! i'm glad to see results right away. i think the calcium really works.

yesterday i overtaxed myself and i almost collapsed. never again. today i'm resting. didn't even send vito to school because i don't want to be stressed. i have muscle pains all over! pregnant women cannot carry 3kg of books and walk 4kms under the heat of the noonday sun. i was irresponsible.

my food choices for yesterday echoed the ones for tuesday.

breakfast - 1 c oatmeal again with nonfat milk and 1 tsp sugar.
midmorning snack - 1 fuji apple
lunch - 1 siopao (i had to stop on the way home and eat the siopao i bought for my afternoon snack because i was about to faint from low blood sugar levels. i was actually shaking and felt very weak)
- 1/2 c rice, 1 c stir-fried cauliflower and brocolli, 1 c sauteed long beans, 1/2 c sweet sour pork
afternoon snack - none
dinner - leftover chicken fajitas with grilled veggies on 1 wholemeal tortilla
dessert - 1/2 c strawberry ice cream (the kind with real fruits in it)

kind words

some people really know how to make others feel better. today was a school holiday so jessica, my singaporean friend and mom to vito's bff, organized another swimming party. i was talking to linda, my aussie friend, and bemoaning the fact that i had gained 8kg since i got pregnant. she said, "you know, i gained 6 kg since we last saw each other and i'm not even pregnant. i bet that makes you feel better, huh?" hahahahaah! oh, you bet it did!

the other moms were trying to cheer me up and telling me how wonderful it is to have 2 kids of the same sex. actually all of them have 2 boys each. so now i'll be part of the club. =)

anyway, here's my food diary entry for today:
breakfast: 1 c oatmeal made from rolled oats, 1 c nonfat milk, 1 tsp sugar, 1 tsp raisins
mid morning snack: 1 medium banana
lunch: 1/2 pancit guisado, 1/2 c fried rice w veggies, 1 c chicken/mango/lettuce salad w no dressing. dessert: 2 old-fashioned donuts. 1 c unsweetened apple juice.
afternoon snack: 1 banana, 1/2 c pancit guisado (had to eat the leftovers)
dinner: chicken fajitas made of -- 1 wholewheat tortilla, 3 grilled chicken strips, 4 strips grilled bell pepper, 3 strips grilled eggplant, 1 tsp mayo w garlic, 4 lettuce leaves.
after-dinner drink: chamomile vanilla tea